last night i had a dream that i accidentally smudged my glasses and that i could SUPER FOCUS in on the fingerprint left on the glass one centimeter from my face.
I think I also dreamt i miraculously learned how to play guitar.
RED WEEK has started. and i have a migraine that feels like the rage of a thousand burning, dying exploding suns in my head. my plan today is to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself until off to newmarket i go.
evan also brought me food. <3 I feel bad because i didn't thank him enough because i had just woken up with what felt like a knife through both temples.
bye
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
bayayayayaaaaa give me something to hold
So Josh is away in Sudbury, Kathronaton is at a sleazy motel Niagara Falls getaway and I have learned that being on my own for two days makes me emo. It's probably a good thing to be on my own for a while, but i constantly feel I should be doing something productive, but I don't really and I have no one to speak to about what's on my mind so I end up thinking WAY too much and I just get sad and thus do nothing but mope around.
See I had grand plans of doing tons of art and work on making my room look nicer to distract my self from the fact that it is still pink, and learning guitar (which, actually, i have played around with a little). But I end up doing nothing but distract my self with internet and tv shows.
I guess as well it made me realize on how many good friends I could have had, had I not been with Craig for all that time. Him not liking me to go out on my own stunted me from making a lot of really good friends, and even though I know a lot of people, it takes a while for me to make REALLY good friends with someone. I get really vulnerable easily, and guarded. Like Mike W gave me his phone number at the GTR show last week and told me to call him, which I did today, but when he didn't answer I get paranoid that I might have said something or done something stupid that night which makes him not want to hang out with me. Which is completely irrational, I know but I can't help it. It takes a lot for me to call someone I'm not that close with and ask them to hang out for fear of rejection. I guess growing up in an international school in which a lot of army and embassy kids went is not good at my skill of getting close to people since they'd stay for maximum four years and then leave to go to another country. So during school I never had one best friend, except for Julie who decided to dump me when she found out I was starting to date someone she liked who I didn't know she liked and guhfdsklajfdklsa;fjdskla highschool bull shit i can't even continue talking about this. bottom line is, I've lost a lot of close girl friends to guy related issues in which they all take the guys side.
blugh i can't even continue this post it's too emo even for me ok bye.
See I had grand plans of doing tons of art and work on making my room look nicer to distract my self from the fact that it is still pink, and learning guitar (which, actually, i have played around with a little). But I end up doing nothing but distract my self with internet and tv shows.
I guess as well it made me realize on how many good friends I could have had, had I not been with Craig for all that time. Him not liking me to go out on my own stunted me from making a lot of really good friends, and even though I know a lot of people, it takes a while for me to make REALLY good friends with someone. I get really vulnerable easily, and guarded. Like Mike W gave me his phone number at the GTR show last week and told me to call him, which I did today, but when he didn't answer I get paranoid that I might have said something or done something stupid that night which makes him not want to hang out with me. Which is completely irrational, I know but I can't help it. It takes a lot for me to call someone I'm not that close with and ask them to hang out for fear of rejection. I guess growing up in an international school in which a lot of army and embassy kids went is not good at my skill of getting close to people since they'd stay for maximum four years and then leave to go to another country. So during school I never had one best friend, except for Julie who decided to dump me when she found out I was starting to date someone she liked who I didn't know she liked and guhfdsklajfdklsa;fjdskla highschool bull shit i can't even continue talking about this. bottom line is, I've lost a lot of close girl friends to guy related issues in which they all take the guys side.
blugh i can't even continue this post it's too emo even for me ok bye.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
your mom is as hot as my apartment.
You'd think everyone would be grateful for this crazy heat wave we have going on, but in fact it it's just too hot. It's like The Weather(TM) is just spiting us for being pissed off about the cold weather and just decided to be a bitch about it. "You want warm? FINE. Have warm!"
I'm not complaining that much though. It is really nice to be outside. Josh and I went to Toronto Island yesterday, and it was amazing. It was probably the best time I've had with Josh. We found this amazing spot underneath a tree by a pretty big river that had ducks and swans swimming around. We made friends with Herman and Patricia Duck after we gave them crackers, and then the swans came to intimidate us to give us food. Swans are like the mafia of the the bird world. I wanted to draw the birds too, but I'm not that good at drawing animals.
I have reignited my creativity flame by helping Kathron make posters for Good Times Running. I don't know if they're going to use any of them, but it was fun just making them. Plus it made me feel much superior to the boys since we were being creative and they were spending all their time playing Ninja Gaiden II. Great. Now I get to compete against Golf, Ninja Gaiden, as well as Josh's new phone. I hate being jealous of technological things.
I also had another weird dream! The day before we were leaving for Toronto Island I couldn't sleep because I was so excited, which probably explains the dream i had about Christmas. I dreamt I was spending it with my English cousins Sian and Stacey, my dad, and Stephen Fry.
We were at a restaurant with really bad service but really good food, and Stephen Fry was getting impatient, so I mentioned to him that I have some experience waitressing and that I could put his order in. I had a pen but not a pad, so I wrote down what he wanted on my arm. I can't really remember what he wanted but he want REAL parmesan on one dish and REAL something else on another. As well as a garlic bagel with garlic cream cheese. Sian also want the latter and so did I. I put the order in to the severs station. But then again we were waiting so long to get our food Stephen and I decided to check on the kitchen. We got in there and the chef was lying across the counters with the beer tap (for some reason they were in the kitchen) in his mouth, beer streaming out. Our food was ready, but no one had brough it out for us. However, he forgot one of the bagels, so we heartily complained about it, but the chef wouldn't let us make our own because he was the chef.
Anyway, we were about to leave when Sian (same age as me in real life, but we are not close at all) gave me a huuuuuuuge hug and said it was so awesome we got to hang out and to come to a bar with her later. My dad and I checked out the bar and so that I could remember the address I tore down the fabric cloth hanging along the patio fence. Obviously. Then we all somehow ended up at this huge cathedral and it's ground which was just a huge big hilly field filled with graves. I was talking to my mom and the phone and she get all excited that I was there and was all like "is the gravedigger there? Is he? He's really famous!" Sure enough, he was. He looked like the scientist from Back to The Future. We then decided to leave the graveyard/cathedral area to go to the bar, and we had to climb a bunch of rocky hills, and the gravedigger was everywhere we went, but he wasn't scary. Just part of the scenery. Then I woke up.
Ok! So according to Dream Moods to dream I am in a restaurant means that you are feeling overwhelmed by decisions/choices that you need to make in your life. Alternatively, it indicates that you are seeking for emotional nourishment outside of your social support system.
To see or eat a bagel in your dream, suggests that there is key element missing from your life. You are not completely whole. Alternatively, it refers to sexual urges.
To dream that you are at a bar, signifies your desire to escape from the stresses of your daily life and retreat into a light-hearted environment where pleasure abounds. Alternatively, you are seeking for acceptance in some aspect of your daily life. The dream may also be a pun on being "barred" from some place or something. You are feeling excluded or held back by circumstances beyond your control.
To see the outside of the church in your dream, signifies sacredness and spiritual nourishment. It is representative of your value system and the things you hold sacred.
To dream that you are at a graveyard, represents the discarded aspects of yourself. It is also a fear of the unknown. Alternative, it indicates a loss or a period of mourning.
I couldn't really find anything for gravedigger, so whatever.
But according to all this I am feeling overwhelmed by my decisions regarding my sexual urges because I need to escape the stress of daily life because I am being held back from sacredness and spiritual nourishment. Make sense? It's too hot to make a more valid conclusion to all of this.
I'm not complaining that much though. It is really nice to be outside. Josh and I went to Toronto Island yesterday, and it was amazing. It was probably the best time I've had with Josh. We found this amazing spot underneath a tree by a pretty big river that had ducks and swans swimming around. We made friends with Herman and Patricia Duck after we gave them crackers, and then the swans came to intimidate us to give us food. Swans are like the mafia of the the bird world. I wanted to draw the birds too, but I'm not that good at drawing animals.
I have reignited my creativity flame by helping Kathron make posters for Good Times Running. I don't know if they're going to use any of them, but it was fun just making them. Plus it made me feel much superior to the boys since we were being creative and they were spending all their time playing Ninja Gaiden II. Great. Now I get to compete against Golf, Ninja Gaiden, as well as Josh's new phone. I hate being jealous of technological things.
I also had another weird dream! The day before we were leaving for Toronto Island I couldn't sleep because I was so excited, which probably explains the dream i had about Christmas. I dreamt I was spending it with my English cousins Sian and Stacey, my dad, and Stephen Fry.
We were at a restaurant with really bad service but really good food, and Stephen Fry was getting impatient, so I mentioned to him that I have some experience waitressing and that I could put his order in. I had a pen but not a pad, so I wrote down what he wanted on my arm. I can't really remember what he wanted but he want REAL parmesan on one dish and REAL something else on another. As well as a garlic bagel with garlic cream cheese. Sian also want the latter and so did I. I put the order in to the severs station. But then again we were waiting so long to get our food Stephen and I decided to check on the kitchen. We got in there and the chef was lying across the counters with the beer tap (for some reason they were in the kitchen) in his mouth, beer streaming out. Our food was ready, but no one had brough it out for us. However, he forgot one of the bagels, so we heartily complained about it, but the chef wouldn't let us make our own because he was the chef.
Anyway, we were about to leave when Sian (same age as me in real life, but we are not close at all) gave me a huuuuuuuge hug and said it was so awesome we got to hang out and to come to a bar with her later. My dad and I checked out the bar and so that I could remember the address I tore down the fabric cloth hanging along the patio fence. Obviously. Then we all somehow ended up at this huge cathedral and it's ground which was just a huge big hilly field filled with graves. I was talking to my mom and the phone and she get all excited that I was there and was all like "is the gravedigger there? Is he? He's really famous!" Sure enough, he was. He looked like the scientist from Back to The Future. We then decided to leave the graveyard/cathedral area to go to the bar, and we had to climb a bunch of rocky hills, and the gravedigger was everywhere we went, but he wasn't scary. Just part of the scenery. Then I woke up.
Ok! So according to Dream Moods to dream I am in a restaurant means that you are feeling overwhelmed by decisions/choices that you need to make in your life. Alternatively, it indicates that you are seeking for emotional nourishment outside of your social support system.
To see or eat a bagel in your dream, suggests that there is key element missing from your life. You are not completely whole. Alternatively, it refers to sexual urges.
To dream that you are at a bar, signifies your desire to escape from the stresses of your daily life and retreat into a light-hearted environment where pleasure abounds. Alternatively, you are seeking for acceptance in some aspect of your daily life. The dream may also be a pun on being "barred" from some place or something. You are feeling excluded or held back by circumstances beyond your control.
To see the outside of the church in your dream, signifies sacredness and spiritual nourishment. It is representative of your value system and the things you hold sacred.
To dream that you are at a graveyard, represents the discarded aspects of yourself. It is also a fear of the unknown. Alternative, it indicates a loss or a period of mourning.
I couldn't really find anything for gravedigger, so whatever.
But according to all this I am feeling overwhelmed by my decisions regarding my sexual urges because I need to escape the stress of daily life because I am being held back from sacredness and spiritual nourishment. Make sense? It's too hot to make a more valid conclusion to all of this.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
how much is that girl in the window?
I've been feeling useless and unloved lately. I don't know if it's the fact that Josh sneaks out of bed early to play Tiger Woods golf instead of cuddling with me during the few last days we have together, or if it's just that I don't know where I'm going with my life or if it's both.
I guess I have a case of post graduation blues. It was all so anti-climactic. It's like I worked my ass off for four years (ok, maybe not that hard, but it was an intense four years) and now all of a sudden, it's just gone. My graduation is going to be one big suck too. Waiting for four hours in the sweltering heat with a black robe on just to go shake someones hand for two seconds, isn't my idea of a big send off. Specially, when I had to pay the person hand I must shake 52 dollars just to graduate. Fuckin' vampire.
I kind of wish I was doing more school. I know next year I'm going to be so envious of Kathron as she makes her way through her last year of university. I'm going to miss the freedom, the random drinking nights, the new friends, the ab.
But I keep reminding myself of starting my cafe, and it instantly pulls me out of it. My dream of owning my retro, Norwegian themed, art cafe is the reason i didn't fail highschool, the reason i got good enough grades to get into York, and the reason I have now graduated from York, so god damn it, it better work!
Alright, enough with the violins and the sob story.
On another note, i had a dream a couple of days ago that i had a humongous zit on my nipple and i popped it and all the goo exploded everywhere and i woke up dry heaving. So disgusting. I don't even want to know what it means.
[EDIT: So of course I went to check out what my dream meant and it is the following, I didn't even have to do that much searching. So according to Dream Moods :
"Nipples
To see nipples in your dream, relate to infantile needs and a regression into dependency.
I guess I have a case of post graduation blues. It was all so anti-climactic. It's like I worked my ass off for four years (ok, maybe not that hard, but it was an intense four years) and now all of a sudden, it's just gone. My graduation is going to be one big suck too. Waiting for four hours in the sweltering heat with a black robe on just to go shake someones hand for two seconds, isn't my idea of a big send off. Specially, when I had to pay the person hand I must shake 52 dollars just to graduate. Fuckin' vampire.
I kind of wish I was doing more school. I know next year I'm going to be so envious of Kathron as she makes her way through her last year of university. I'm going to miss the freedom, the random drinking nights, the new friends, the ab.
But I keep reminding myself of starting my cafe, and it instantly pulls me out of it. My dream of owning my retro, Norwegian themed, art cafe is the reason i didn't fail highschool, the reason i got good enough grades to get into York, and the reason I have now graduated from York, so god damn it, it better work!
Alright, enough with the violins and the sob story.
On another note, i had a dream a couple of days ago that i had a humongous zit on my nipple and i popped it and all the goo exploded everywhere and i woke up dry heaving. So disgusting. I don't even want to know what it means.
[EDIT: So of course I went to check out what my dream meant and it is the following, I didn't even have to do that much searching. So according to Dream Moods :
"Nipples
To see nipples in your dream, relate to infantile needs and a regression into dependency.
To dream that you are squeezing pus out of your nipples, refers to your negative feelings about relationships. You are feeling sexually inadequate."
The thing is, I'm not really feeling that inadequate. Hmm. Am I?
Saturday, March 27, 2010
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