last night i had a dream that i accidentally smudged my glasses and that i could SUPER FOCUS in on the fingerprint left on the glass one centimeter from my face.
I think I also dreamt i miraculously learned how to play guitar.
RED WEEK has started. and i have a migraine that feels like the rage of a thousand burning, dying exploding suns in my head. my plan today is to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself until off to newmarket i go.
evan also brought me food. <3 I feel bad because i didn't thank him enough because i had just woken up with what felt like a knife through both temples.
bye
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
bayayayayaaaaa give me something to hold
So Josh is away in Sudbury, Kathronaton is at a sleazy motel Niagara Falls getaway and I have learned that being on my own for two days makes me emo. It's probably a good thing to be on my own for a while, but i constantly feel I should be doing something productive, but I don't really and I have no one to speak to about what's on my mind so I end up thinking WAY too much and I just get sad and thus do nothing but mope around.
See I had grand plans of doing tons of art and work on making my room look nicer to distract my self from the fact that it is still pink, and learning guitar (which, actually, i have played around with a little). But I end up doing nothing but distract my self with internet and tv shows.
I guess as well it made me realize on how many good friends I could have had, had I not been with Craig for all that time. Him not liking me to go out on my own stunted me from making a lot of really good friends, and even though I know a lot of people, it takes a while for me to make REALLY good friends with someone. I get really vulnerable easily, and guarded. Like Mike W gave me his phone number at the GTR show last week and told me to call him, which I did today, but when he didn't answer I get paranoid that I might have said something or done something stupid that night which makes him not want to hang out with me. Which is completely irrational, I know but I can't help it. It takes a lot for me to call someone I'm not that close with and ask them to hang out for fear of rejection. I guess growing up in an international school in which a lot of army and embassy kids went is not good at my skill of getting close to people since they'd stay for maximum four years and then leave to go to another country. So during school I never had one best friend, except for Julie who decided to dump me when she found out I was starting to date someone she liked who I didn't know she liked and guhfdsklajfdklsa;fjdskla highschool bull shit i can't even continue talking about this. bottom line is, I've lost a lot of close girl friends to guy related issues in which they all take the guys side.
blugh i can't even continue this post it's too emo even for me ok bye.
See I had grand plans of doing tons of art and work on making my room look nicer to distract my self from the fact that it is still pink, and learning guitar (which, actually, i have played around with a little). But I end up doing nothing but distract my self with internet and tv shows.
I guess as well it made me realize on how many good friends I could have had, had I not been with Craig for all that time. Him not liking me to go out on my own stunted me from making a lot of really good friends, and even though I know a lot of people, it takes a while for me to make REALLY good friends with someone. I get really vulnerable easily, and guarded. Like Mike W gave me his phone number at the GTR show last week and told me to call him, which I did today, but when he didn't answer I get paranoid that I might have said something or done something stupid that night which makes him not want to hang out with me. Which is completely irrational, I know but I can't help it. It takes a lot for me to call someone I'm not that close with and ask them to hang out for fear of rejection. I guess growing up in an international school in which a lot of army and embassy kids went is not good at my skill of getting close to people since they'd stay for maximum four years and then leave to go to another country. So during school I never had one best friend, except for Julie who decided to dump me when she found out I was starting to date someone she liked who I didn't know she liked and guhfdsklajfdklsa;fjdskla highschool bull shit i can't even continue talking about this. bottom line is, I've lost a lot of close girl friends to guy related issues in which they all take the guys side.
blugh i can't even continue this post it's too emo even for me ok bye.
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